So last night I left my holistic hideaway. (Home) Yeah, I went out at night for my first time in Playa Del Carmen this year… and I think it has been AT LEAST 8 months since the last time I went out for a party here.

Probably most of my friends back in Canada would be surprised by this, as Playa Del Carmen- is famous for it’s night life and parties. But well…time have changed, and I’ve been changing with them.

I went out to hang out with a French girl friend of mine. She is a nice, young, woman who I had met in Brazil 5 years ago. We were couchsurfing at the same place and we had a few fun nights together, and through the magic of Facebook I saw that she was now traveling in Mexico. I met her at her hostel at 10pm… before I went to her house, I had made up some warm oil for my dad so he could give himself an Abhyanga and I also gave myself an Abhyanga. At 9:30pm I sat, letting the oil absorb – while I watched an Ayurveda class video about herbs and srotas and then I had a hot shower and … just wanted to go to bed.
BUT, I made myself wake up…had some Aloe Juice, put on some lipstick and rode my bike down to the Hostel.

It was my first time in a Hostel in many years… I use to live in them for many years during my 20s. Hostels were my safe havens. I felt comfortable there, I loved the cheap beds, community kitchen, talking with and meeting people from all over the world… I also loved the cheap drinks and party scene.

So girls drink for free until 10:30pm at Hostel Che, so I had my free beer and I talked with my friend as she played beer pong, and the young people were just happy, drinking, playing games, dancing…we went to a bar called La Santanera,  the music was fine and you could buy a drink or for a slightly cheaper price a medium liter of a drink.

And there is when I just began feeling different. Normally- I would just enjoy, dance, meet people, drink, drink more, dance more… let myself get loose…get free…

But somehow, now FOR MYSELF (I am not saying this is how it is, but this is myself trying to explore my own manifestation of what is happening within myself) It felt the opposite.
First off, I guess the music just never inspired me to dance to freely-  but  so I was forcing myself to dance. Second, I never wanted to drink more than a drink- as I am not wanting to get drunk anymore.

I felt concern for the young girls I was with as they drunkenly and carefree drank from the huge drink that there new friend (of 30 seconds) just shared with them… a drink that he could have put drugs in, or anyone else could have put drugs in, unknown to even himself as he drunkenly danced around the floor. I am not saying I had that vibe from him- or anyone in the place. But drinks to get spiked, it’s a fact, it’s unfortunate- and it’s just safe practice if you are traveling in another country, traveling alone and if you are already drunk- just to be mindful of your drinks.

I felt the energy or men watching us and then began noticing all the people, who were not dancing- just observing. My mind started asking to many questions and observing to many weird things, while trying to have fun. Key word trying.

We tried out another dance place- and there, I felt the energy was even lower. I could tell that many of the people were great people, bright lights… and they looked very nice at the beginning of the night… and now, well there were many faces that were long, many with glossy eyes, some people were intense, others sleepy… just wanting to find a taco and take a taxi home. People were just being “free” and dancing, laughing and expressing their sexual sides. I forgot how quick you could be dancing sexually with someone if you choose to enter the dance floor. I started dancing next to an Irish man with a crazy, sparkly blue shirt… and then he shifted my body so we began dancing together- in a dance, that for 30 seconds- I indulged in out of the sake of not being rude- but it felt so awkward, that I just needed to stop-so I gently, pushed him away with an apologetic smile, turned my back- and I could still feel his energy wanting to dance more… and this is when I decided, well time for home. I think I had enough excitement for the evening and although I was super fascinated by all the people watching I was doing- I think I saw enough for one night.

I don’t know what it is about me that I feel that I need to be polite and dance with someone… especially in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable… but I suppose it’s just something that I got used to over the years. One way to look at it, it’s not that big of a deal- just sharing a little moment with a person… and on another way to look at it…well it’s umm…well just not pleasant. I like to dance salsa and I am learning some other type of dances that are sensual, and this I enjoy DANCING with someone who knows how to dance and sharing this expression, not just just trying to “grind up on ya”.
I gave it a good go. It was interesting to revisit the party scene… first time I was out in the morning  besides getting up to do Yoga in a long time.

Actually that’s not entirely true- a month ago in Tepic, Nayarit- I went out to a nightclub with my friend. And there I had a similar experience.  There I had a dance partner with taste and respect and we never went to the dance floor. But I just felt, OUT OF PLACE, again I was choosing not to drink. The way I was dressed was way to casual to be there, and it was apparent. When I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror – I was next to other women- and we looked like we were from different worlds. (Side note: Did you know that they sell potato chips with Valentina sauce in some upscale high clubs in Mexico?) Actually- I had that experience a few times over the years, as some of my fave clothes are my clothes I bought in India… but when I compare my chosen, party outfit – next to another woman’s chosen party outfit-  I just look out of place. It’s not good or bad- it just is. I don’t have any more fun or less fun because of it.
– This is getting side tracked a bit but- on the other side of the fence, when I go to a Yoga festival or other festivals- I look around and match the woman around me very well! We look like we could swap clothes- and often I look at their outfits and REALLY like what they are wearing and sometimes am even a little jealous of their style- how they can put together outfits so well out of authentic, natural, home-made clothing.  HAHA And I am sure then, if one of these women in the Night clubs  wore their party clothes- they might feel out of place… OR MAYBE they would have done their research and just dressed differently for the occasion. That happens a lot actually, people don’t like feeing out of place- so they dress differently to match the place. And maybe that’s why so many people dress the same way at the same type of places- they do the same research??? If and when I go to a club again- I am going to ask to take a picture in the bathroom! You will see- It is so funny. One time I was wearing a long India shirt and had a side braid in – and I was in the mirror with 3 woman from a Stagette…First off all very beautiful, and sexy Mexican women! Wearing short black shorts, tight white tank tops with sayings on the front, high heels, bunny ears and lots of make-up and false eyelashes. I love the difference… and I also sometimes would like to dress like that… but it’s just not me. But I really do believe we all need to honor ourselves, and express ourselves HOWEVER we want to, whatever makes us feel sexy, happy and confident.

AND NOW, back to last night…I enjoyed my bike ride home- without all the cars and watching all the people eating tacos and making out in random spots. Young people in love- sharing their love in the middle of the streets haha. In one intersection there was 4 couples standing there “Making Out.”Oblivious to anything else in the world.

In conclusion: I am not judging anyone on anything. I am purely reflecting about my experience last night. I feel although I am looking at things with different eyes. Eyes perhaps of my Sister and my Mom – that use to always warn me about things, use to tell me to be careful and tell me that I don’t look pretty when I am drunk. When the affects of the alcohol went from a silly grin, to sleep eyes.Eyes from someone studying a holistic health. Eyes from someone in her 30’s.

I do not think alcohol is bad- but I do think that abusing it… abusing our bodies, again and again is just unfortunate. It’s a depressant and it’s something our livers need to filter. With that said, we are all choosing different ways to abuse ourselves, to help ourselves, free ourselves, relax ourselves every day- everyone has their vises and addictions of some sort or another.

Not everyone knows how good it feels to wake up with the sun, and do a yoga Practice.
And some people maybe really enjoy having a glass of their fave beverage after a long day of work to help them relax… What’s the difference between 1 ounce of alcohol- followed by a glass of water- compared to a strong herb? Which is better for the person? Just depends on the person, the drink, the herb I suppose. If someone drinks a health drink- that doesn’t serve them- it also can create an imbalance in them.
As they say in Ayurveda- not everything is good for everyone, but everything is good for someone.

With that that said- I will continue to enjoy the 1 or 2 drinks on occasion. Appreciate a dark beer of beer, a glass of Mezcal served with oranges and salt, a glass of wine… a delicious Gin Mojito… But I don’t want to misuse the alcohol, to depend on it to make me more relaxed or feel more comfortable to party. If I can’t feel comfortable with the people I am with- then I think that is a sign that, perhaps I don’t need to be with those people. Drugging myself just to feel more comfortable or confident… is not the direction of friendship that I am interested in.

AH YES- that was something that happened last night… this type of EGO based pressure that I had pass over me for like 1 minute. I met a few young guys, very intelligent, well spoken guys from Mexico City. And they asked me to play Beer Pong with them- and I had just finished my beer. It would have been fine to play- but there is a good chance that I could have ended up drinking more than another beer… so I just needed to decline and say I will watch. They asked me again and had some good arguments… and I almost said yes- feeling like I was being a “drag” or not any fun anymore, because I don’t want to play this drinking game. I almost felt pure pressured, by two 23 year old, strangers- to break- a decision I made for myself, for my own best interest. WELL I DIDN’T… And well life went on. Actually, I am a little embarrassed about what the people I hung out with last night thought about me… but this feeling of embarrassment is just a sign that I am on my journey and still working on me. I really use to pride myself on being an open and free person, fun and who was fun to party with…  but being the life of the party- does not make my life complete… and waking up sick, does not make me happy.

I do like the affects after having a glass of Wine and your face is hot and you are smiley and feel light hearted and open.. but I ALSO LOVE THE SIMILAR EFFECT AFTER A GREAT MEDITATION. Often after a Yoga class- I feel like making eye contact with everyone in the room and chatting with people and even hugging people. I DON’T DO THIS as I respect people’s space and the fact they may want to be left in reflection after their own meditation, but really- after Yoga/Meditation, I feel full of love and feel more social.
Actually after a real intimate Yoga class last Monday here in Playacar- me and the lady exchanged hugs- because we had shared an experience. We had chatted for 30 minutes before class waiting for the Teacher, but during the class- the atmosphere was very intimate. We were practicing for ourselves and in our own worlds- lead by the beautiful, and soothing voice of our Teacher Vikram (sp), but we were there together.

I want to know Playa Del Carmen- I want to go out to Cafe’s and Restaurants… but I don’t want my priority to be drinking… I want it to be about conversation or trying delicious food, learning Salsa and Spanish. And actually- I don’t really like drinking while eating anymore either- because it’s harder on your digestion… so even having non alcohol drinks while I eat- isn’t something I enjoy doing.

So I am grateful for my experience last night… and I won’t crave to go to any hostels or nightclubs for a little while- but I will still try and push myself to leave my house more, in search of friends and connection and fun… And hopefully next time, I will just be in the present moment instead of analyzing myself and everything… and maybe the music will make me want to “bust a move”.

Drop the mic.