Well, 10 days have happened apparently since my last blog post. I have been writing a little bit of what I have been doing, whenever I have a chance… but nothing is that interesting… aside from this. I’m sick.
This is interesting because I am suppose to be practicing preventative medicine, and being doing all these practices that will keep me from getting sick…

well I will be now be honest. I wasn’t giving myself enough care as I should have been.

While at my sisters, I was having problems sleeping- however, instead of using my last morning before going back to work to keep sleeping- I woke up, gave my sister a massage and then rushed to work…

The next days all blur together and as much as I was drinking lemon tea, doing jala neti, practicing yoga, eating healthy, I know that I was doing several things that are a crime against my body.
1) Eating to late in the night 2) Eating Candies before bed 3) Not being able to switch from my 5 days OFF NIGHTS back to Nights. I just couldn’t do it this time. My Vata became disturbed. My lips are cracked. My anxiety is present. And my health failed. Tired I still felt I should fulfill previous engagements and gave another massage after work and the following day I went 4) out to a bonfire on my next night off (last Saturday) and got chilled and shared drinks, then went to work another 10.5 hours of Night Shift where I got wet from wash down and sat chilled for several hours, before coming back home… not being able to sleep again. And finally…  I got it. Runny nose, red eyes, sore throat- feeling just bad… and just in time for Monday where we began working 12.5 hours for the next 4 nights. Thankfully, I am surrounded by great people and understanding and intelligent Formens, because my job assignments were chosen intelligently to avoid me getting others sick as well as making my condition to much worse. (Note to self: The work of the week was a lot of air lancing and wash down.) So, now Saturday morning- I still have not brought my Vata into balance completely, but for the last 4 days I have been taking better steps. WHY is it, that we do this to ourselves? Why do we put ourselves last?

Why if I was working in a holistic job, they would have told me to stay home and get better… but at other jobs, you take medicine to mask the symptoms and push your body until a weekend or until you somehow beat the cold… or end up in the hospital.
One thing I am happy about is that I fought off this cold naturally, echinacea, herbal tea, spicy tea, lemon and honey tea, I made a big pot of Kitchari I ate for the week (not ideal as it isn’t the freshest after day 2 or 3- but still better than other options when not having much time on hand.)

Today- I did nothing much. I made myself some Fish Tacos for Good Friday and called some friends and caught up on e-mails and other things that have been on my to do list- going back as far as 3 weeks.

I have to admit that things are going pretty good right now, I am not lonely yet- and I have been maintaining nice relationships and have been meeting some new people that are bringing some spice to my life. Tomorrow (or today as it’s already 2:30am) I will be going to visit my sister and her family again and pick my parents up at the airport. Then I will get a ride home on Monday afternoon with a friend to begin work Monday night.

On Tuesday, my Yoga classes I am leading will resume and I also have a massage booked to give on Wednesday so should be a pretty busy week again. Monday/travel/work, Tuesday Cook and Yoga, Wednesday Massage, Thursday Yoga, Friday-FREE/Cook/Laundry/Personal stuff and Saturday Yoga and perhaps my best friends will come and visit me on the weekend if I am not working.
My goals for the week is to give myself a quick Abhyanga daily no matter what and practice a grounding meditation every day… and hopefully I will stay healthy and happy.

This is how my weeks are probably going to be for the next 6 weeks. Working hopefully every day, and then teaching Yoga 3-4 times a week and giving 1 or 2 massages a week as well. There are certain friends who are wanting to hang out, or have conversations- but unfortunately during the normal hours to do this- I am actually sleeping or maintaining my health and doing the essentials to stay healthy and balanced.

Something else to touch on: At the party, I was not being mindful and I did not stick to my two drink limit.  There is something nice about drinking (mezcal) that you just go with the flow and you just ride the wave… but it’s not a mindful wave. It’s not a wave where I am able to remember all details of the night. I know that I am in the present moment when I am there… but the following day, I am not able to recall everything. So this is still something I am trying to figure out… is this a side effect of to much Vata as well? There are few things I will never forget though- and one is trying an eye gazing meditation with a friend for our first time. We did it for 2 minutes and I remember I kept trying to focus on the one eye and he said he had saw colours and morfing… haha it had been awhile since the last time I did this exercise and first time drunk.
I will never regret anything-but I would like to revisit this exercise with this person again sober, this time setting an intention with them… having us set the same intention and then trying for at least 5 minutes and maybe longer.

While I was in India we were having nightly meditations, one of the nights, the group of aspiring yogis that I was training with sat around in a circle. Our then meditation teacher Jan Michael, lead us in our intentions, what to think or try to imagine when we looked at the person before us. We sat in front of the person, crossed legged… we were not suppose to talk- just hold our gazes together as long as we could… trying not to blink and just let whatever happen- happen. We weren’t suppose to have any expectations.  Sometimes we were to imagine them as our favorite teacher, as a child— I remember when I was sitting in front of Renis we had the task of saying “I love you.” After that session, it was easier to talk to him. I felt more oneness with everyone after this exercise and I would recommend this exercise to everyone. It can also be kind of funny… for some reason, perhaps the awkward factor- or perhaps just reflecting joy within each other- their tends to be a lot of lip twitching into a smile.

The exercise could be between colleges to help ease tension, or between lovers to increase connection. Usually with a lover, you will want to set the same intention and have the session last longer. I have done this before with past lovers and for me it helped to create intimacy. In my opinion, if you are unable to hold the gaze of someone for more than several minutes and feel good about it- then you are not ready to be intimate in other ways either. Actually, you can do this exercise with others- as well as yourself and with nature to create connection.

If you are wanting to gaze at your own eyes- you can go to the mirror and just calm your mind by closing your eyes, taking some deep breaths or practicing some Pranayama and setting an intention but not being attached to any outcome…and then open and look into your eyes and allow your gaze to become blurry… perhaps you feel a connection to something, perhaps you will learn something new from past lives … perhaps nothing at all…everyone will have their own experience.

This weekend I want to do this with all my family members and I will write about my experience after. I find that eye contact is such a powerful thing- I have noticed that for some reason I have a hard time making eye contact with certain people and other, no problem at all- I am not sure what this is about. Perhaps, it’s something from a previous life… sometimes when I am attracted to someone when I look them in the eye and they are looking me back in the eye- I feel a connection that makes me uncomfortable because of my own thoughts, insecurities and potential desire and so I will quickly shift my gaze away… and it never feels satisfying to do that, but it’s the only way that I have been able to handle myself still after 31 years.

This week I want to be more mindful of the amount of eye contact that I am making and with who. I know while I am teaching Yoga- I make little eye contact as I am usually trying to address everyone as a group and also stay calm, centered and focused. Also- I think there is a part of me that, feels that some students may be shy because they are new to Yoga so I don’t want them to think I am watching them… however, now writing this out loud- this is very silly. And I am pushing my past experience on my present students. I am their teacher- I need to look at them and we both need to get over that. After time, everyone will be more comfortable.
This is my experience anyways- I remember feeling shy when my teachers looked at me when I was struggling to stay balanced, or shaking, or sweating protrusively or not sure if I was doing the pose right… Especially, during my first weeks practicing in Mexico when I didn’t understand more than 5% of the commands they were using.
Ah the good old times-  Well, now I am going to go stair at my own eyes and try to get some insight into my past lives. Drop the mic.