So I met with my Practitioner that I had came across through searching for one on the internet from my school. I had messaged another Practitioner nearer home, but she never got back to me until today- which I have already invested $540 dollars into 5 sessions with someone and have had two appointments already.
Everything happens for a reason, and I do have a good feeling from my current Practitioner though, so I’m happy it worked out this way- even though it would be so great to have met with someone “closer” to home. And while also hopefully creating a Canadian contact who has already been through what I am now going to be doing and know where to get herbs and Ayurveda medicine in Canada… or makes it… but again, everything will work out.

I don’t have much time to be poetic or thoughtful in this message as I am super tired and want to be laying in bed in 15 minutes, lights out.

But I just want to document my process.
Maybe tomorrow I will take a picture of my body as is and write more about my mental state of  mind… and then at the end of overhaul and after listening to the recommendations of my CAS I will have good news to report.

When we met- I needed to leave work to have my meetings, so I was stressed that first off I was paying out of pocket for my appointment, paying in US dollars and also missing work and missing that money- also, MORE SO- stressed that I was looking bad for missing work and also being annoying to my work for making them give me another job after reassign someone else to the job that I had- had.
That morning- I had found out bad news about a co-worker and my thoughts were thinking about her tragedy and … I was also already flustered as I had just started working 12.5 hour days and wasn’t prepared as I was gone all weekend to Regina for a wedding. BUT anyways- I just wanted to set that up.
She gave me a few things to do… everything she said to do, makes sence- I understand (or I think I do anyways) already reasoning behind things, the important of things… and know that I need to begin to start these small changes… for my own piece of mind and health again and need to take advantage in someone else now holding me somewhat accountable.

This practitioner will be the only person in my life who really understands what I am trying to do- what kind of lifestyle I desire and the struggles, emotionally, physically and spiritually that I come across daily… in aspiring for this.
Instant gratification, ego based desires… are not sustainable for me anymore. I can not be satisfied with a simple, materialistic life that would conform to my cultural and community vision of success and happiness. I won’t be happy until I know how to master myself… until I am able to stay in control of my senses and limit my activity of my ego and allow the truth of myself, my soul and the world lead me to a high state of awareness and oneness with all.

I don’t want to be happily addicted to television and booze and coast through life-  gaining weight after I have kids and suffering from arthitis and sore bones and lack of motivation to be active. I want to have energy and passion for life and for all the people around me… I want to be able to help others…

BUT first. Me. So…   I have resistance right.
The first night, after work- I felt the urge to just have a drink and go to bed.. oh and the urge to eat something unhealthy too…  and so I did.
I made a bowl of popcorn (Vata aggravating) although I did cook it in coconut oil and put ghee and nutritional yeast on it to help make it more nutritional (no idea what doshas nutritional yeast pacifies or aggravates) and I drank a watermelon whiskey cooler I had left from the weekend and… didn’t do any spritual practices… and went to bed.

Next morning… it was hard to wake up and I felt lethargic and tamasic and just blah… I had resistance to do any of the things I was suppose to do again… and again, because I am working 12.5 hours this week- I never had much time to do things anyways- so eventually after getting my truck started and all I just went to work… but I realized… that I was making choices that were poor for me and I am not feeling my best and have lower energy because of these choices. At work- the day was good… I felt stimulated, I got the opportunity to connect with a co-worker and learned a lot more about his life and it made me happy. That night when I got home I already had my night pre-determined as a couple friends stopped by who one was moving away- so instead of making Kitchari as planned… I ate the rest of my popcorn (adding hot sauce) and drank herbal tea this time.

Next morning: I woke up and decided that I need to snap out of my funk. I finally did my Jala netti again (and it FELT GLORIOUS), so tongue clean, jala netti… found my triphala medicine…. made more time for my grateful meditation and made coffee… but with cardamon and cinnamon…

Now tomorrow, I am going to do my Jala, Tongue, Grateful Meditation… but I also am now going to prepare my triphala medicine and then have my first drink of that as I was directed to and tomorrow night I will buy ginger and and make ginger tea as I am suppose to…

Now… I was already drinking triphala medicine – at various times throughout the past year… but never consisently made it part of my routine…
I was already drinking ginger to stoke my digestion and for health… but not every day or for more than a week or 2 at a time…
and I am directed to take ghee with bhrami… well… I don’t have access to this right now, nor does my local health food store supply this… but I am going to begin to finish off the rest of my brahmivati pills that I bought close to 4 years ago and have been traveling around with… knowing they would be good for me and never finishing them…
Now maybe the potency won’t be as strong… and maybe it’s not good to use pills that are old… but I will direct that question to my practitioner now tomorrow.
I don’t want to feel guilty about bothering her- as this is the entire point that I have her… not to waste her time away from consultations, but to help guide me… to make informed, decisions.

SO- now it’s already 9:15 and I need to go make my triphala churna so that tomorrow morning I can drink it (it’s suppose to sit for 8 hours- but I ran out of time tonight, but it will have 7 hours and I will drink it tomorrow…. and mix it again to drink again tomorrow night…and  continue this on, until this medicine is done.

AND then- tomorrow, I want to blog less and really have an asana practice… for 15 minutes. That’s it… actually, one thing that is really bugging me is my wrist… my left wrist is really painful to do any type of asanas involving my weight on my wrist…. so even the sun salutations that normally feel amazing, are really painful. This  has been this way since this summer when I was using my wrist a lot without stretching and giving many massages… since then, it’s been an issue… and since then I have had resistance towards my asana practice. NOW I get why people who are sore don’t want to exercise… I got a taste of it with my back this summer during a class… and now with my wrist, I am going to have a lot more empathy… as well, I want to begin a series of classes for students in Mexico… but begin with super basics and work our way up… like I had in India when I first was learning. It’s crazy how soon we forget things… forget how far we have come… forget where we started… and the discomfort of the unprepared body… the body with many emotions to work through yet. I forgot about my allergies in India and my sore bones and weak body…  I had worked hard towards my previous state of health, strength and flexibility… it did not happen over night… or over one month… it was a process, it was returning to Yoga classes, coming to the mat… going to India… practicing every day several times a day for 3 months… it was complete surrendering… and focus…. it was needed… and I need it back. (At this time, I also had the privilege of working less than 40 hours a week- opposed to now working 87.5-73.5 hours a week). jaja Yeah at one time, I had a driver, house keeper, working only here and there and just mainly focusing on Yoga… it became my saving grace during a very painful time of falling in love with someone who would choose money and power over love and faith. I had shared myself with someone and was wanting to take on the burden of their unhappiness in hopes to bring light into their life but our manifested worlds completely grew apart and we were unable to look at each others choices with respect nor compassionate understanding. Now-  having separated from that life and person and cutting all emotional, physical and spiritual cords with them… I have understanding and compassion, because their choices no longer will harm my well being… they have just cut me for the last time this past weekend and I feel although, once I was a like a ripe tomato… and if cut, I would bleed out and eventually turn black and begin to decay but now… I am ginger… you can cut me, even cut off a piece of me…and I will just grow another skin and continue to be a healthy and useful being… that can help support others.

And such is life.
Now it’s 9:32 and I am pulling my plug… my VATA is wanting to write and be creative with bad metaphors about more vegetables… but my PITTA is going to shut it down now.
Until tomorrow.