So he chose me-
he began to follow me one day… to home, to the beach…  we played in the water and he cried when I went it, worried about me… he kept me “safe” from anything in my way.
He’s quiet and he respected my yoga time- sitting to the side, not looking at me directly, not crowding my space… this was amazing.
I tried to think of what I could feed him, vegetables and fruit is all I had… I offered him beans with sunflower seeds… cucumber salade… I don’t know it was successful…
He came with me the next day to the store and he picked out his dog food, I bought it and then put it 3 blocks from the house so he wouldn’t think I would keep feeding him…but he was still coming home. He would come up the stairs, but he didn’t know how/scared to go down so I carried him… just that one time and told him not to come up again…
now a week later I carried him several times, I have another neighbour giving him water and he’s a nice dog. He tried coming onto the collectivo with me and ran after me for awhile… he never followed my mom and I the other day.
Pretty much- he isn’t needy, doesn’t ask for much- is calm as I carry him down the stairs and he even tried the one day to go down and jumped (from to high and I was scared he would have broken something). But I don’t want to have a dog right now- I am not ready for that, I have love to give and some extra time- but what happens when I go away, what happens when the apartment full of people wonder why there is always a strange dog hanging around that cries to go down the stairs at 3 in the morning.
I went to the dog shelter today a few blocks from my house- they just put up a sign. It’s not a beautiful place… but the people there seemed nice and I hope the dogs get to go for walks and I can always pass by and take him out… It’s going to be rainy season soon and it’s getting hotter out- he needs a place to take care of him.
I don’t know where he came from… but if he chose me, it was only time before I would find it a place to live… and this is the best place I know at the moment. I can’t have a dog in my place as I give therapies here and there is just to much fecal matter and garbage around to have a dog be free all day long and invite him into your place at night- also, I don’t really feel it’s right to have a dog just tied up or in your house all day.
I am manifesting that someone who is ready for a dog will fall in love with him.
Tomorrow I’m taking him to the shelter, I will sign a contract to pay 500 pesos a month for his food and offer the Vet bills for anything he needs. This is all I am capable at this moment. I am working in the afternoons and evenings and usually only go to the beach for an hour in the evening… I just can’t have a dog right now, and that is why I can’t be his owner- even though he is beautiful, soulful, intelligent, sweet, quiet, friendly, playful, respectful, takes care of you, loyal… I don’t have dog friendly home. I live in an apartment building and can’t be listening always for the crying of a dog who doesn’t go down the steep steps that are here.
There is one part of me that wants to make it work… train him to go down the stairs, just have him live outside and be free and then take care of him buy giving him food and water twice a day… but I can do that by giving the money to the family and also ensure that he doesn’t get stuck on the third floor and no one takes him down if I am gone.
I will visit him and see how it goes- if he’s happy to see me after the first and second times and it doesn’t rip my heart out to leave him there again.
Such a soulful dog… he would be such a nice companion but he deserves better and hopefully someone will adopt him that has a home.

My horoscope for tomorrow is:
The tendency to nurture others can be a liability for you. Unless you are a paid professional during office hours, taking care of yourself first is your foremost responsibility. Even parents need to focus on themselves if they are going to be proper role models for their children. If you need someone to nurture, look in the mirror! You are a wonderful listener: ask your reflection what it needs, and hop to it! It may take a little practice, but you can do it.

So I think that helps me to know that my plan tomorrow is still good.
Get up- go take care of some things with my parents, then go to work- come home, drop off the dog at the dog refuge and then prepare for my meeting with my teacher. Have my meeting and then continue to work on my home-work- try and finish it between tuesday and thursday. Wednesday I am giving a session in the evening so may not have the energy for critical thinking/ and no mistakes in my pathology… but I will try and then on Friday I will start the next chapter if all goes well.
Saturday my family is leaving- I am sad about this. Even though I don’t hang out with my parents that much… we have shared some great moments over the past 4 months and I won’t see them maybe for another 8 months. My mom has been amazing trying to help me get my place to be a home… she’s done a great job… we put a lot of hours into the little projects, but it’s all beautiful because it’s all home-made, natural, recycled, inexpensive things that we hand crafted. My bed side tables are wooden crates, my desk is a natural piece of wood over crates, I picked out fabric from the store and made curtains and a curtain to separate my bed from my therapy space. My mom and a lady down the street made them. My closet is wooden crates with a few boards on top and my mom added a few more shelves into the crates. My bathroom has a cob wall with glass picture, a wooden crate with reeds, a wooden mirror made by a man down the street and a wooden slate as a shelf as well as a hand made toilet paper holder with rope and broom stick. I had the carpenter down the street make us shelves, kitchen cupboard and a door to my room/separating it from the kitchen, with natural wood and recycled bambu. We painted the concrete floor so the oil wouldn’t stain as much and the cupboards so that I can wipe them when I spill on them. My mom made me hanging shelves for my corner and my other shelves are wooden crates.

Amongst all of this, I never bought much this year- but ALL my things from my previous life were sent here. A bunch of stuff I need to get rid off to make my space clean again, but I need time to process it all and also want to try and make some money on it… as I just paid around 4,500 pesos to have it sent here over the past months in Correo Mexicos… and I was paying for it all to be in storage for the past 2 years!! Yep, $60 dollars a month from February 2017 until December 2017  ($660 USD) and then $40 a month from January- until May. ($200)
Yep that’s right I paid $860 USD plus 5000 pesos to send it… to keep a bunch of stuff- any of the real important or nice stuff I had, I actually don’t have. The blown glass where and breakable things- weren’t sent because they would probably be broken and my box of things that I wanted to bring with me when I moved- but I couldn’t fit into my baggage- it still with my dear friend Karla.
Sending light and love to all the suffering this hoarding has caused.

Well lesson learned.. no more hoarding things I don’t need. Maybe I don’t need to throw away everything now, especially if I may use it… but next time I need to pay to store stuff… I need to just get rid of things.

Yesturday my friends who were hosting retreats dropped off a bunch of stuff, dishes and some food- and on Saturday my parents are leaving me with their extra stuff… and my place is starting to feel bad.
I liked it how it was when it was just cement and empty wooden boxes… now I am thinking I need to build more shelves… to put my things. FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS… but I get it why people have less stuff.  On the bright side, things I havn’t used in years- are being used now as other things break down or get wrecked. Example: Sandles I bought in 2004 and havn’t worn in at least 5 years are now my best pair of sandals… do I love them? Nope- but I have them, they are good!

Today at school my grade 5 class set up their make believe stores and they had fun, trying to and successfully buying things in English. It looked amazing have the 25 kids with all there clothes, necklaces, bracelets, make-up, books and shoes all spread out on the ground and the kids walking around taking turns buying and selling…
the class before we were listening to an audio while following in the books- and the interest was low, the energy was low- it was good to have both styles of classes today. Tomorrow will be another good day.

And now time for bed… full days these past days. Working, giving therapies, family time, home-work and studying. The home-work takes many hours as we are doing pathologies of different diseases and need to come up with healthy diet and lifestyle plans. I will share one soon.

Last night before the woman’s circle I was prepping for my english class and trying to make room on my ipad for tracks and came across some videos from 2014 that I had when I taped some of my Oracle session. (She told me to). I hadn’t listened to this again since it happened… and it was all about me being a healer, coming into my power but first resolving my feelings of neglect and anger from when I was a baby and all that revolved around me being pre-mature and middle child to a young, working mother and all the pressures that she had during these years as well… about the healing of myself and of my mother… that I was hear to help my mother heal herself as well… THEN at the womans circle, I met other amazing women who use traditional medicine and have used it with their kids and families. I think I am going to learn a lot this year. Being around women feels the best right now. Strong, determined women who care about the world and want to be the change. AND one of the women is pregnant with twins, and she shared her excitement and asked questions… and I was just thinking about this, to be a mother, what it means-  do we fuck up our kids during our pregnancy and while they are still 1-3 years old- for the rest of their 21 years or so… how happy is a mother, when she needs to battle having a career too and all the pressures of the world… my Oracle was very negative actually… in comparison to what the women were sharing around the circle. So either everyone is trained to lie to be nice … or I just need to work harder on resolving anything I may need yet to resolve from my birth and before… so I don’t need to listen to that tape again or think about the negative ideas of how stressful and toxic it can be – to be a mother and how harsh this world can be to bring a baby into.
Last night was also special ceremony for me with all of this happening – AS MY MOTHER joined me. It was the firs time she came to a ceremony with me and she was initially out of her comfort zone then was just awesome and delighted. It was a cacao ceremony lead by my beautiful Warrior Goddess friend Jess and she guided un in a few meditations and my mom had great meditations with visuals. She said to me after ” So that is meditation… I though meditation was….”  I knew she would like it.
And she planted a seed in my head now, she said she saw my soulmate … he asked for me, but he was blonde. This really through me as I haven’t turned my head for a blond guy in MANY years…at least 6. I guess their is nothing wrong with blonde or white…
I guess I should just be open for anyone these days… even though my Reiki master told me not to get into a relationship until I had my independence… and I am getting closer to that… but I don’t think I will really feel energized to meet anyone until at least March next year. I will be 33 then… that’s a good age to begin manifesting someone if we are wanting to have our own children… but perhaps, adoption could also be a good option too… omg, I wonder if my soulmate is actually the blonde dog that following me around.

I guess if he is- I should know it after I separate from him.
Past time for sleep….