In your mind.

If the struggle is real in your mind, and you believe it- it’s real.
I AM A PRISONER of my OWN NEGATIVE thoughts and SELF LIMITING belief systems…

and thats okay because I am changing this.
So Thursday I was really feeling it…  I was really tired from the heat and trying to control and teach 40 kids in two hours, commute and worrying about my finances. I was saying to myself how tired I was, how poor I was- how hard it is to make money here in Oaxaca… that for the amount I am earning I am giving so many hours and so much energy…suffering in my mind that the fact that pay day is next week and I actually didn’t have any money at the moment- not even enough money to take a 45 pesos taxi to bring something to my school- and embarrassed to ask someone for a ride… the stress of not studying enough because I was putting my energy elsewhere… and all of this was true.

I was tired and trying my best to energize myself for a therapy session I had booked , my client asked me how me week was and if I walk on the beach often- my reply was okay and no…but it was just nice to have someone ask me how my week was and bring up the important beach walk thing. I ended up confiding in her about my own mental instabilities instead of just listening to someone else… I felt a little weird about being so honest to someone I just met especially when normally I would be playing the role of the giving guidance- but I know that she is just a good person and someone with a lot of experience in self care,and  it was a natural occurrence. I was physically caring and trying my best during the session-but there was a part of my manifestation that was in a lower vibration- worrying how she was enjoying. Worrying/ is being in my shadow not my power… but I am hoping that she still had a positive experience and sending light and love to her for more days!
When I woke up this morning I felt stressed- but then I decided to try that thing my client had suggested… about beach walking. I knew in the evening I would miss Sunset again due to other commitments at school so I went to the beach in the morning. I went swimming for the first time in a week and some… it was glorious. Also I had been wanting to have some sort of man contact since it’s been over a week since I last talked to someone my age… and when I was running I ran past a cute guy and he smiled… my smile was to late as it caught me off guard… but I was thinking about this after for the next 5 minutes…he smiled… you can do that to people… I do it to people who aren’t cute guys… but for some reason I don’t do it -when I approach cute guys… well, life gave me a second chance when I was returning home- we past each other again and this time I gave him a thumbs up sign and he did a hand wave thing… this may sound stupid… but it meant so much to me just to have a second chance and to even have a one second exchange with a guy. Even though I live in a beautiful, tourist town- with hundreds of hot surfers- I am going through a weird phase of my life which involves me not having any contact with men hahaha (Due to self limiting thoughts about that I am to busy and other things- I am hoping to address these thoughts and begin changing them… yesturday).
So then I came home and my neighbours who are moving, left me a box of food, one left me some shirts she made and I could potentially sell them or wear them…my boss offered me a ride to and from school with my Yoga matt and gear- so I never needed to take a taxi. The massage trade I did earlier this week sent me a message this evening and someone she recommended me to is booking a massage tomorrow and my giving massages with my 6 students today at the Mothers Day event has broughten me another one for next week. These are all positive things that happened in the past week that I never knew were going to happen. I am attracting everything I need. I am healthy and happy and full of energy. I have time to work and also make money. I am happy and content to live a simple lifestyle.

BTW: The most rewarding this today was when 6 of my students were giving massages that I taught them to different Moms… and they were SOO freaking cute! They were giving them the menu to choose from, offering them aromatherapy sprays, using the oil, and really remember the massages and trying… of course there was moments of them just being kids and goofyness and not putting that much attention to the massage- but there was A LOT more moments of them really caring and offering someone to someone else and I think they felt good about it too and I really think some moms really enjoyed their experience. Really- what a neat thing my school does… for Kids day and Moms day- they had a HUGE event…. so much energy went into making these peoples days special and having everyone have fun and get a snack and prizes and such- SUCH a beautiful thing! It is really inspiring… the teachers really care and love their students and jobs… today it was fun to actually socialize with them a little bit- the first month I very rarely talked to anyone… but slowly people are starting to say Hi and I am learning things about them and their lives… this for me… is what life is about. The other funny thing was I gave a few more massages to a teacher and her grandson and the other teachers were knocking on the windows and … well hard to explain, but all in all- super cute.

So after tomorrow I have enough money to buy a few things I need for laundry, fill up my scooter a few more times and then after my massage next week will give me almost enough to do a commitment that I have at the end of the month… so I just need to manifest a few more to be able to pay for my Visa renewal and more fresh food and more massage oil. Haha

This month has been and is expensive because I got my Licence and bought plates and need to renew my Visa…
632 pesos for a Oaxacan Licence  (Paid)
1500 For plates in my name for my motorcycle (Paid)
500 pesos my Dog- and I need to buy some medicine too I forgot… not for him but just to pay back the fund (N.T.P)
3500 Rent (Job will cover this)
1700 Ayuhuasca Ceremony (Downpayment of 500 paid need 1,200)
1,266.00
40 pesos every 3 days in Motorcycle (Around 100 pesos a week-400 pesos per month)
Food 2,000 pesos
Laundry: 48+100 probably.

Expenses so far: $9,246
-3900 (job)
Need to make $5, 346
So need to give at least 5 massages.
2 this week, 1 next week-
So I will be manifesting 2 or 3 more and I will survive! ( No money to have delicious almond milk, but I will survive without this luxury until I manifest more work next month!)

Now to bed as I have free yoga with my girlfriends tomorrow morning and then going to have a productive work/study afternoon! 😀