Last Ceremony of 2018.

Emotion.
Am I connected to my emotions are not? I have them, but it’s like I have barriers around my heart to protect myself- whenever my thoughts or emotions switch to darkness- I make the choice – to choose light… the skulls that came, I transcended to colours.

Questions I asked:
What property should I get?  Answer is, that I like the Punta and nature. I need to get a place not for a good investment. This is an amazing time now to buy land – to put places to rent out, to have two homes… but this is not who I am. I am not into real estate… I don’t want to buy up the land that I do not own and not to give it the respect it deserves.
I need to respect the land- stay a good person. I need to build a place that my parents and I will like and a place where I have have a mini Pancha karma therapy place. Although, things are cheap here- I am not rich and don’t need to put all my money into things, better- just put my mind and heart and soul into what I really need to do- to be aligned, to be a good person – to be happy and then things will align and abundance will flow.
I don’t need to be a millionaire- but it would be nice to make around 60,000 a year for the next 10 years or so that I can save a few thousand dollars a month… this is just a number I am coming to now- but I know that I like the opportunity to travel, I want to do cool things to help people and have a nice clinic- really beautiful and earthy that promotes healing and promotes people wanting to come and begin their healing processes or top ups on their already started processes.

Instead of focusing on making money, being rich in the future and having a second home to offer to guests… I am going to focus on what will really make me happy now- and make a decision for the future when I know about the future.

It would be nice to have a place in a good community, quiet, space, trees, fruit trees, walking distance to the beach or a river. And the same idea- main house with palapa, natural pool, herb garden, coconut and mango trees, morenga tree, aloe vera plants and 2-3 small houses for clients with outdoor kitchen and bathrooms.

Right now I am part of a group of healers of all different levels and backgrounds and it’s beautiful to see how people are coming here to be healed- and I believe that I have something to offer as well… guided by the wisdom and science of Ayurveda- mixed with my own life experience and intuition.
That was shown to me last night- Ayurveda is without a great wisdom that is valid and useful, but at the end of the day, you really need to take everything with a grain of salt as we are now modern people and although the foundation is the same as it always was- how we as modern, western society are going need to implement it in different ways… enjoying life more and having the intention to be healthy and make the right choices, but not feel guilty if we make poor choices… and just hope to make more positive than negative choices- so that life becomes easier- because when we come into balance, when we come into alignment – everything flows better.
We aren’t wasting time with diarrhea or constipation, or stomach aches, or swollen bodies, or anxiety, or anger, or depression, or overweight to a point we can’t do what we want to do, or underweight to the point we don’t have the energy – or worries about our skin problems, diabetes,  gastritis, liver disease… etc,etc,etc….  If we take care of ourselves- our bodies… minds… and soul… we function at a higher vibrational level. We wake up excited about life and go to bed peacefully- we are pleasant and we enjoy life and can take on the obstacles that it throws up… and can even say thank-you for them, as we are proven each time- that those obstacles make us better versions of ourselves.
So anyways- I am happy that I am still in love my chosen career and even more so now than I was when I started studying 3 years ago. 3 years ago, the only Ayurvedic practitioner I new told me it was hard to get people interested in Ayurveda, because it’s a lot of work and that it’s hard to make money in the profession… but that was her reality, and perhaps now the world is changing too- as I see she is now beginning to give more workshops.

Next: I have some very important reprogramming to do with how I feel about sex and experiences and I have a lot of healing to do. I have more than 15 years of negative experiences that I was attracting by repeated patterns of lack of self esteems and lack of awareness – although I was a happy teenager and young adult, I also had a very self destructive nature and I realize this all now and and have been awakening to it over the past while but realize it’s still a very active pattern- and the way I have been protecting myself, not knowing how to stop the pattern was just to shut myself down and avoid any exposure to relationships and men incase the pattern would happen again and I would feel upset from it… but I know I am the creator of my reality and I have manifested positive experiences as well as I will create them again, but not until I really feel I have healed my open wounds that I am allowing to be exposed for the sake of healing them. I have more to say, but I want to stay positive and perhaps another time will get into everything- especially what I would now educate young women – all women on.

Next: I need to understand the people from here more. They are more traditional and their culture is very rich and deep and I have a lot to understand about the way things are. I think sometimes people are simple minded, they enjoy little things and and inexpensive things can be quite luxurious and of privilege here. People are connected to nature, live in simple homes and work hard to provide for themselves and their families. They enjoy sharing in food and they are very generous and I believe they don’t like to focus on the negative- actually very positive. My neighbour Nympha who sells coconuts downstairs- when I ask her how she is she always said “Bien, con mucho trabajo- Gracias a dios!” Her son who is 15 said something similar today as well- “gracias- por la lluvia”. They are grateful  and express this- and it’s beautiful and important!

Next: I just got a message from an Indian couple from Kerala asking if there was spot in my clinic… Am I going to be bringing Indian Pancha karma therapists here to work for me/ with me? Could I get my training and a staff from the same people? To be continued- but maybe the universe is aligning something for me….

Next: So I think I beginning to heal my heart. I was concerned about not puking again- and this is my second ceremony that I didn’t puke… but after he told me that I don’t need to worry about that, we all release things in our own ways–and I had cried/teary eyes a lot… that was my way. And sometimes people just don’t have anything they need to clear out. He told me, that my energy felt very clean and he could tell that I must be living life in a good way… even though he saw that I was so emotional and everything, he wasn’t judging and he never thought I was fucked up or weak… he congratulated me… and this makes me feel very good… as I am so hard on myself, but I know in my heart I am a good person and that I  have a lot of light to me. I know that I am becoming clearer and that I am powerful and what I manifest happens.

Next: It all really comes down to being alignment with your truth, being positive, honest- being a master of your thoughts and honoring your true desires- not getting caught up in others expectations or changing your mind so many times that the Universe doesn’t know what to give you.

How can I attract a beautiful, loving husband- if I feel although I am not attracted and say that out loud… if I feel I am unworthy- if I am to sad, to troubled, have to much work to do by myself still…  well the answer is I can’t.  But none of the above is true…
I am attractive, I am healthy, I am athletic, I am adventurous, and dedicated, honest, kind, mindful, I am capable of running a household of raising a family… I like doing simple things, I fill myself up with wholesome activities and being around beautiful people and nature- and sometimes, I like to cut loose. Most days I am happy and positive and some moments I am sad… and some moments I am tired or annoyed… I am not perfect, but I don’t want to attract someone who is “perfect” either- I do want to keep soul searching and working on myself as I feel it’s important and it’s helpful- it takes a lot of the “if” factor, and worry and insecurity about life out of the factor- knowing you are in control of your life, always have been and always will be- but we are here to learn and evolve and so in this to happen … in order to reach the light, you need to go through some dark… but not always, I think there will be a time sometime soon that the darkness will be less and less… I think it already is.

Next: The moral of the story is about faith and love.

I don’t think I need to do this medicine again for awhile- however, beautiful and inspiring it is- I really think through Yoga and Ayurveda, I have the tools now to continue on this path and through mediation and self care, mantras, manifestation and being careful of what I am saying and desiring and just staying connected to me heart— having fun with life, going with the flow, giving gratitude and having faith that everything is going to unfold beautifully…

I do believe. It doesn’t mean that I am a little sad that know like real “THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW” moments happened…. or “This is what your soul mate looks like” or ” this is your land” or “you are going to be a mom” haha… but over the next days and weeks, the spirit of the plant continues to work with me, so I will need to do breathe work and meditation and pay attention to answers.

NEXT: What is also important about these ceremonies is the connection and the people that come to them. I have met so many great and soulful people on this path. Last night was an entire room full of new people again, well actually I did ceremony with 2 others before, and had met 3 others at the yoga festival… but people from all over the world gathered to come and work on themselves, reconnect with their heart- look through bullshit and blockages in the eye… everyone has different experiences and some people can express themselves and some people can’t… I couldn’t share when it was time to share, but I also drank 3 times and I feel I was still in it to much to be verbal… but while we were having breakfast and the next couple hours it was good to chat and process and listen.

THERE is more too- but at the moment I think this kinda wraps up my thoughts from now.