One of those Mondays where it’s 5:30 and you feel like you accomplished so little for the amount of energy you wasted worrying but can finally just throw your hands in the air and surrender down, because things just need to happen the way they do.
Lessons learned.
Miscommunication taught.
Dreams lost.
But new ones can be thought.
I was getting so attached to a timeline –
to an opportunity,
to something I was already calling mine-
– now it feels like a pity
Hours, upon hours wasted in waiting
but the invaluable lesson I just learned
that no one asked me to suffer or be hating
if I felt the heat, it was from my desires that yearned.
I feel so embarrassed about the miscommunication,
that makes everything take 5X longer than necessary
but I am now working on my Spanish education
so I hope in the future this burden I wont need to carry
But the true pity will be, that I continue to be attached
to something that never existed
to an dream that was waiting to hatch
just a manifested dream
and obviously it is something that I resisted
as confusing as it all seems…
Try to get my emotions under control
count my blessing and focus on the good
forget my ego and connect with my soul
stop emotional eating heavy, sweet food
Dream big or go home… well for now,
I am going to go home… and there dream big.
Then when I come back I vow,
I am going to take another stab at this gig-
of planting my future holistic empire
and getting my priorities set-
I need to become someone that will inspire-
live in faith and not succumb to fret-
I need to study more and raise my understanding,
perhaps put my money towards more school,
not worry about government funding
and taking more time to float in the pool
Everything always works out the way its meant to-
this I really believe in…
so now I just to be patient with finding out who-
I am suppose to be, and enjoy the game- not just the win.
Note:
There this feeling of frustration
of miscommunication
that arrives from the conclusions
of trying as hard as you can
in the moment, but things just don’t pan
out the way you want them to.
and you are getting home sick and tired
and just need to take a step back….
I had thought I would be able to manage quite a few things in a month, it was challenging and things seems to be really complicated – but I tried and well, things aren’t going to be as they started out… and I don’t know the outcome, but I am still planting seeds.
Svastha - All things Ayurveda 
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