Wow- another month has went by. This month was nothing less than impressive…
The first week of this month I finished my Clinical Ayurveda Studies program from California College of Ayurveda- I was something like 850 hour course and it took me a year to complete.  There was 12 modules, so each module took me around 1 month and then there were 3 big exams and one research paper- which I chose to write a comparison between western medicine and Ayurvedic medicine and bastis or enemas.
So I kept busy focusing on my studies through the year. How the course worked was- I chose to do a distance learning approach to this technical section. Each month I would begin reading a module from my text book, then watch the roughly 4 classes of lecture and then meet with my assigned master teacher and I would submit my home-work, which had practical home-work (things we needed to practice on ourselves and observe ourselves) as well as text book home-work. We also wrote a quiz in each module, which we would submit to our teacher and then review any questions we had.
I was still feeling pretty isolated, not having any other Ayurvedic people in my community- so I asked for a Mentor and I was connected with a great guy from California who is a year ahead of me in the program. So throughout last year I was focused on doing my studies as well as giving Ayurvedic therapies to people to make enough money to pay my cost of living. For 3 months, I was also teaching English in the afternoons at an elementary kids private college… and for 2.5 months I went back to Canada to work a job to make some more money to pay for my education. During the year I also had an opportunity to go to Mexico City to give therapies with a friend, to partake in some beautiful ceremonies, some beautiful beach days and a little travel around Puerto… although, little. It feels really good to be done the studies for a month… always having that pressure of needing to do something, read something, watch something is a real pressure that feels good to be free of.
Now I have 2 weeks before I fly to Colombia to begin my intense month of studying therapies and diagnostics in Ayurveda from the CCA Escuela in Colombia. I am going to begin my internship – continuing on my education from California… with a sister school in Colombia. They have the same material as CCA in California, but everything is in Spanish. I am choosing to go there instead of California for two reasons… and both reasons are because I am now living in Latinoamerica.
1) I need to focus on learning about Ayurveda in Spanish. Since 2013 I have been living in Mexico- and I have also been studying Yoga and Ayurveda, but in English. So I have been trying to learn Spanish but I have been focused on studying in English and Sanskrit- so I have never been in full Spanish immersion. I am finally at a point where I can go to Spanish speaking events and understand a lot of what is being said, so I feel I am ready to push myself to understand and speak Spanish on a intermediate+ level.
When I go to Colombia- it will be my first time being in Spanish immersion for 27 days.
Then in June I begin my internship- which will be done in Spanish. And my assigned Practitioner (Person who will oversee my 50 client visits) will be communicating with me in Spanish too… So I am pretty stoked. For sure this year of 2019- is the year that I am getting a great grasp on Spanish. And in 2020- I will do another 6 month internship… and will be living in Mexico for sure for another 6 months (and more, but hopefully I do some travel too) So I am happy about this. I have always wanted to Speak another language… its just a tricky thing to do when you have never tried to learn another language before. To be honest, it`s been such a messy road… a road of tears and frustration… but finally… I am feeling optimistic about it and beginning to put in the time to see good results.
2) Economically, the Latino American school is way more affordable. It`s still expensive education, but paying US dollars is just not possible these days. I am making pesos- and even when I went to Canada to make money- the Canadian dollar is even down a lot compared to the US dollar, so its just a lot of energy invested into my education already, which is great- however, I dont want to have to invest energy for the next years, for education of the past (aka take out a loan). I want to just keep going forward with life- free from being in debt and able to work hard, and save for present opportunities and future opportunities. So continuing my education avoiding paying US dollars for everything, I won`t be completely broke when I finish my studies.
I am really looking forward to being part of some badass retreats in the next couple of years in hopes to begin having an energetic return on all the time and energy I have been putting on my education. It is going to be so rewarding to work with other people… I have been working with myself over the past years… and its not easy to be perfect, but it is easy to be empowered and to begin making choices that have benefits for your mind, body and soul.

So I wrote my exam and then I went to Mexico City for a few days, touring around- enjoy street tacos, cafes and visiting with an old friend. We then head to San Bartolo Amanalco · Dhamma Makaranda, where we went into silence for 9 days during a 10 day retreat. We learned two techniques- anapana and vipasana. Anapana is a technique to simple observe the breath. To connect with the breathe- the truth of the moment.  We spent 3 days doing this… just observing the breathe. From the entire nose and area, next day a smaller area, and the next day just a small triangle above the lip and from the nostrils- to make the mind really focus on a small area and allow the mind to become more subtle- or less gross. Feeling the sensation of the breathe. This was followed by practicing Vipasana mediation, observing the sensations in the entire body. Observing how the mind is often craving and disliking something. Also thinking this is good, this feels good- or this is bad, this feels bad. Then beginning to be aware of that and all the sensation sin the body but giving be aware of the night and trying not to get attached to feeling good or bad and just acceptance. Just observing. And then magical things begin to happen. You begin to notice different sensations in the body and and observe. After a few more days, you begin to wash white light up and down the body and notice where there may be sticky, or stuck, black, solid spaces… and you bring the light to these spaces or simply observe these areas and… they begin to dissolve… if you dont get attached the great feeling of them dissolving, you really clear them out. If you get attached to the feeling, or have expectations- it works the opposite, you don`t clear the energy, instead you increase them.  If you think of these energy blocks, or solid spaces as old or past miseries of cravings, fears, anger, passions, labels… think if you simply observe and are in the present moment, cultivating faith, love and compassion, bringing white light to them and not expectation- it clears them, but if you continue the cycle of liking or not liking- cravings or abortion… you multiple them. So well- this happens for a few more days. I began to be able to cleanse my body… I messed up a few times, but then I was able to overcome it.
I messed up on the 7th or 8th day… I was going ahead of the instructions a little bit, just naturally. (It`s obvious that in a previous life I had been a Vipasana meditator. Without doubt. Also, my previous 4 years of practicing Reiki and meditation, have given me previous exposure to similar experiences- however, not the same and without giving myself the power and the time to understand myself and the core of the problem and begin to work on that.)

You live the 11 days there in a beautiful way. You stop talking, stop trying to communicate with everyone around, stop searching for connection from the outside world. You stop making eye contact with those around. Stop thinking about everyone else around you begin focusing on what you are thinking, feeling. Connecting with your breathe, your mind, your senses. Code of basic moral conduct, no killing, no lieing, no using substances or intoxicants or sexual mis conduct. A week without technology- no cellphones, television, no reading… no writing. Just being. You wake up at 4:00 to the bell and then at 4:30am you begin your meditation… meditate until 7am then have breakfast then free time and then begin meditation again until 11am, then have lunch and a few free hours then meditation again until 5pm then have some fruit and tea and then a free hour before beginning to meditate again and then have a discourse and then meditation and bed at 930pm. So lovely. During your free time, you shower, walk in the yard, sit under a tree, watch bugs, meditate, contemplate… I slept so good every night. I went to bed right after the last meditation… crawled into my sleeping bad, with my touque and thermal underwear on and woke up at 3:50 or 4 when the bell chimed.
The first couple of days my visions and the images in my mind at every second where INTENSE. More active and interesting than many trips … more intense than my experiences with Ayuhasca. I tried not to pay attention to them as I was there to honor the steps of Vipasana… during this week I never used insence, gems, essential oils, herbs, reiki, yoga (well a little then stopped when reminded to not practice yoga), no pranayama, no neti pot… nothing to interfere with the truth of what was happening. No outside influences. Out of curiosity I told my spirit guides to root for me this week, then I instantly had an experience  of light- but I made the decision after that experience- to not mess around. I told the managers of the Vipasana place I wouldn`t and I wanted to be honest to them and to myself. I got a lot from the 10 days… an understanding and more hope than I had before that I can actually become the person I want to be.
I wouldnt say I want to be a Saint... but I do want be a really happy inside and out person. I don´t want to do things out of being selfish needs. I don`t  want to hurt others or negatively effect them. I want to be a genuine good person that I can respect, love and be proud of… and someone of light others can trust in as well. I am on the path, I have been on the path for awhile now… but I still suffer. I still suffer from worrying to much, not being in the moment, getting negative, feeling irritated, agitated…. that agitation, I believe is my darkness – my shadow, and if I can learn not to be agitated, not to be attached to stories in my head and just accept and live joy and compassion… life is going to become so beautiful. And when I am in a dark place in my mind, if even for a moment- I am not the light for others.
I am overly sensitive and empathetic… I get tired easy if I am around negative people and need to return to my personal space to regenerate… but, I think being empathetic, is also something of wanting and not wanting and not accepting… so although, it`s out of my control, I feel although, by really being aware of my thoughts and re-programming myself to just be, observe and not react as much- I will be able to maintain my healthy level of energy better.  I would never want to be a phycologist- and listen to peoples problems every day and try to figure out under my limited knowledge how I can help them… but what I am beginning to do, work with people to cure themselves- is something similar and phycology is involved… and I think actually Vipasana meditation is a tool that would be good for every person out there. Yeah… Ayurveda, Yoga and Vipasana… nature time and organic food, the world would be so different.
Probably more festivals and less people would be interested in t.v, and more collectives as more people would be wanting to be educated to know how to live simpler and greener and produce there own food and medicine.

I feel if I can be in control of my mind- because I am aware of my higher self now. I know her and she is beautiful and connected with every other energy on this planet, she is one with all and is love and pure light- but I am sharing my reality with her and my ego who is also a good person but gets attached to ideas, judgements, tastes and feelings… it also lives out of fear and therefore lower vibrational frequencies which are not part of the magic show, called life- that I want to be spending time in. I mean, I need these experiences, and life is always changing and – and nothing is good or bad, its all just is… but I feel better and things flow sooo nice when I am operating at a higher frequency.

Anyways- so the 9 days were amazing. My third eye was awakening again- I had a beautiful vision while in deep meditation about the awakening of my third eye, and the release of so much tension and it was great. It looked like a sunrise coming out of my shoulders and the symbols were so bright in my minds eye. The symbol of the third eye as well as some sanskrit symbol in red. I never knew for sure what it was- it may have been om.  I needed not to be attached to the good feeling, nor the experience so simply witnessed it then continued to focus on my sensations.

On day 9 we were allowed to talk to people and on day 10 … it was incredible. The faces of the people were so full of light and joy. It was so loud to hear everyone talk, but it was nice. I really appreciate silence though… it was so amazing to sleep so good for more than a week¡ No roosters, no dogs, no parties or loud neighbors, scooters… nothing. No mosquitos even! There was so really good looking guys too- I only saw them on the last day because I wasnt making eye contact all week and we were segregated (different walking, eating, showering and sleeping areas and on two different sides of the meditation hall). I don`t think there are many more attractive things than consciousness… or guys who are willing to take 10 days away from work, from power, from meat, from sex, from all drugs and substances, relationships- to just meditate. To wake up at 4 and go to bed at 9:30… and just were meditating all day long. Not to show someone on instagram… but to really try and heal themselves and to better themselves.

Actually, this year is really showing me, that when I am ready for a partner, he really is going to need to be actively spiritual… and there are many guys who are… I just need to honour myself and continue working on myself and then begin to make contact with the men on the same path… if I am looking for a partner.

A few years ago, I had a pretty wide scope of what I was looking for, but now-I know I am looking for a beautiful man who is in love with himself, in love with nature and respects her and all things that come from her, someone in touch with himself, meditates, practices yoga, practices love and compassion, vipasana, who can survive with eating a vegetarian meal, who does`t need to drink or use substances and chooses to be sober more often than not, someone who appreciates simplicity and freshness and being around natural things, someone who likes to travel but also can be comfortable in one place for awhile- but isnt afraid of the unknown of travel and has confidence in people and the universe. Someone who loves to dance and wake up early and a great communicator and appreciates his hobbies and activities and also looking for a partner to do certain things with. Also someone who isn't in debt and has a good relationship with money. Doesn't feel they are poor and are controlled by money, but feels they can attract money easily and have no problems accepting work and working hard to make money, save it and use it for great things. 7 years ago I thought a certain type of man was sexy and now that same man does not even make me turn my head. And not to say, I think the way I am living is the only way to live and there are not many attractive guys out there who I could be happy with and could make happy while having separate interests. This man would be great, because if we had fights- we would both know that we need to look inwardly first and also need to respect the other person and not be attached to what we think is good or bad and then compassionately communicate our present feelings. We wouldnt want to do things to hurt ourselves or the other person, therefore able to stick to a moral code that both people feel comfortable with. I know there is someone who is more similar to me that is wanting to be my partner too... someone who isn`t perfect, but someone who is real and honest and wanting to live a life of service and light most of all. Money is great and we will attract wealth, but money will never be our God. The thing our family talks, dreams and focuses our days on. We will both want to grow and evolve as connected individuals, as humans connected with the natural world, we will be evolving and working towards certain things on the same path and therefore really able to support one another... for example, right now if I had a partner that we went to Vipasana together- the past 3 nights that I never meditated, we could have done it together. Instead, I was by myself and decided to connect with other activities, not on bettering myself.

It would be such a beautiful morning to wake up at 4am next to someone who you love and you feel attraction for and peace within you look at them, smell them- then you both wake up and wash up for meditation. You meditate together but separately- finishing with sending the entire world beautiful love… then you practice yoga to maintain your strength and flexibility and then have a delicious simple vegetarian breakfast together before beginning your work day. Both working in careers that is helpful to people, not generating more karmas- both appreciating nature and having fun each day- making plans to meet with friends for coffee or sports or events during the day or the evening. Taking time again in the night for our spiritual practices, yoga and or meditation, having a smoothy or tea together and going to bed together at 8 or 9pm… If we had a child or two together, conceiving them after a process of purification and conceiving them consciously, and raising them consciously… having them learn how to meditate, garden, cook, dance, play, travel, learn, speak different languages, try different instruments and art…
it could be so beautiful. So now I need to continue on working to work past my agitation and cultivate more love and compassion and self love- so I will be at the frequency to attract the man that would want to be part of a life like this.

Haha, okay I am all over the map tonight with my sharing.
So March, finished my course, went to Mexico City a few times, Vipasana, I gave a talk at a local Yoga retreat and bought some land for the future and place to camp in the near future and yeah made some decisions for April. April is going to fly by- next two week I am going to be busy focusing on Spanish, spending some time with mom and dad and enjoying life, meditation and preparing myself for a month of camping in Colombia- then coming back here to begin my internship and share the new therapies I am learning in Colombia. Super stoked. Anyways- life is good. So grateful for my health and for having so many great people around me and living in a fun place where there are tons of things to do, in June I want to start adult circus class, hip hop, surf and yoga classes- keep real busy doing fun and active day time activities and get my social fix that way and be happy to avoid the night scene here- that really doesn`t do it for me anymore… although, there is good music to be listened to, undoubtedly here and there.