Life- such is.

So this week, has been about taking care of loose ends and continuing to work on projects that I have started… some of them months ago. It was also a week of being able to sleep in and have an hour visit longer than expected without anxiety about being to tired the next day.

Overhaul is good training for productive life though- You wake up at 5-5:15 am…. and get home around 6:00pm-7:30pm and you need to stay healthy- to stay healthy in the working environment your in. I have been waking up every day at 5 and tired by 9pm still… but I am allowing myself to sleep in a little longer.

Next week I am going to change that- as I realize, that I am always tricking myself for my best intentions. For example: The past two days I have not had a full on yoga session (2 days on, 2 days off) as I kept putting the yoga off until later… and then later… and well, sometimes at the end of the day, you are just tired from work and the daily events that you don’t feel ambitious. Two days ago I went to the sauna and hot tub at the pool and had intended to come home and have asana practice- but due to my cleanse and overheating myself in the sauna… I went straight to bed. Actually, it was a bit scary- when I was in the dressing room I felt SOOO tired, that I had to go change in the toilet stall so I could take rests trying to get off my wet clothes and put on dry stuff… I didn’t want to scare all the little girls by acting like a drugged rhino. (A connection my mind made to a video I’ve seen.)
Then last night I was giving a massage at 5 and was going to practice after- but my guest never ended up leaving until 10 and I was pooped.

So just being honest- I already failed by 21 days straight of yoga. BUT- starting today I am going to try again. SO that will take me up to November 3rd.

How did my rice cleanse go? Well- again, not exactly on that anymore. Haha.
BUT- it’s because, my truck wasn’t working this week so I needed to ride my bike to get around and I was also giving therapies (giving a massage for 90 minutes uses a lot of energy believe it or not). And I just didn’t feel like was getting enough nutrition from my rice for my activities. So Monday I had a water fast, Tuesday just mushy rice and a glass of grape juice, Wednesday Mushy rice with Spinach and one little home made muffin, Thursday Mushy Rice with home-made Vegetable soup and today- I actually have to have a water fast until after 2:30pm because I received my letter in the mail last June about being time for a checkup! I guess 4 years go by pretty quick when you are having fun.

Yeah- this week, I also took care of my taxes (formally) from the past 3 years. Since I wasn’t working in Canada for two of the 3 years, I never filed my taxes. At the time I thought I was right to do so- then I started getting a creeping notion I am going to look bad and be some sort of criminal… so well, that anxiety has been lifted off my shoulders. The accountant I went to wasn’t even going to file those years when I was there- but I asked if we could- just so they (the Government) and I know, I am clear on those years and all questions about being abroad were answered… and I’m Golden! Woo-Hoo!

Being a Nomad- has it’s perks, but I perhaps haven’t been the best at keeping everything in order… but I feel like this week, I am really taking care of a lot of things I needed to do and have wanted to do for a long time… just have either been away traveling or working full time.

Anyways- It’s been nice to just go around my town a bit this week too- to be honest, I spent most of my time here at home, but the few times I went out, I found the people very nice, friendly and weird- which I love.

NOW time to YOGA.
I am going to dedicate my yoga practice to the now and the future. The past couple days I have been cleansing and also a lot of emotions have been arising do to my last relationship and past events and all these emotions no longer serve me. They are extra weight on my frame and I feel are blocking (along side my mind) my love channels from  being able to attract new and positive love… or feel serious, ready and welcoming to it.
However, I don’t entirely believe that. I don’t believe that the reason I am not in a happy, healthy and nurturing partnership at the moment is that I am not completly over my ex… although this plays a role- I am single, because I am choosing to be. Either- it’s because my Reiki master planted a seed in my consciousness that it’s best not to meet another man until I am completely independent again – or it’s just the way it should be. I feel although this next year is going to be difficult enough studying, working and trying to focus on my future as well as my health and hopefully the health of a few others very close to me that I am going to take on some responsibility for. There isn’t time to be in love- especially the way I feel when I am in love- where I just want to do fun things and share experiences with my partner. I truly value the man I am currently dating, who has a great perspective on things and seems to have a good understanding of myself as well. When I was concerned about not wanting to spend much time or energy on our relationship, he was happy to be just living in the moment. And that is exactly the only place that I should be living in or worried about… actually not worried about… worrying doesn’t help anything… more so, focused on.
I have been heart broken a few times in my life – and I know that I will heal completely  with time. Actually as soon as I am ready to move on it will happen. Once I make that choice. I am going to manifest that I am cutting all chords to previous lovers and relationships today. There is no reason to hold on to these past connections unless they bring me great joy and peace of mind or make me a better person. Perhaps- some do… but I need to have faith, if someone is important enough to enter my life once and make an impact- they will enter my life again, even after I completely let them go.

There is that one saying right- If you love someone, let them go- and if they come back to you, it’s meant to be. Well- I don’t know exactly the origin of this saying- but perhaps, it’s relevant to cutting the emotional chords from everyone that I have met before.
Forgiving and asking forgiveness from all ex boyfriends, ex lovers, ex friends, ex co-workers, colleges and teachers, forgiving and asking forgiveness from from all friends, all travel companions, my mom and dad, sister and brother, brother in-law, nephews and niece, ex dog, all people that I know and all people that I don’t know. I forgive and ask forgiveness from all of humanity and from all of nature. Especially from Mother Nature and the soul of the world. I forgive and ask forgiveness from all the ignorant, wasteful, hateful thoughts and actions I have ever done and that have been done in my presence. I thank God, Mother Nature, All of my healing angels (Grandma Baker) and Spirit Guides for giving me this gift of today. For giving me a safe and beautiful place to wake up in, well all the riches and resources around me to use freely and comfortably. Thank-you for my health, my opportunity to have another job in a few weeks and opportunity to make enough money to pay for my own education so that I will not start my career with the weight of financial debt. Thank-you for the ability to work hard and have excellent health so that I can help myself and others  be of service to my community locally and in the future globally and to also make enough money to feed myself and provide shelter for myself.

Wait- I just had a thought. Recently- people keep bringing up people from the past and I have very little memory of these people and these events. I wonder if its because I have done this exercise before, while I was in India during my Reiki Training course… I just let go to a lot of attachments and past history that no longer served me or was relevant to my life now. Or perhaps- I just had a severe Vata vikruti for many years… regardless, not important.

Now time to Yoga. Namaste.