Well, this will be very short as I am just wanting to begin this process of thinking.

Two things:
1) Met someone who says he doesn’t feel guilt ever
2) I feel guilt constantly

1) When talking about our choice of food that makes our diet- that makes us, I said I still am struggling with my diet- or more so my habits of diet… and this has been a struggle for awhile. It’s not guilt over eating chocolate cake, or something fried once in awhile, or sugaring or anything like this… it’s the fact that I KNOW that my digestion is telling me that I am not properly digesting my foods, (samana vayu indententation on tongue) therefore not receiving total nutrients and also that I am not digesting it properly or maybe other things in my life- which shows for the ama on my tongue in the morning.
Since most days I have a very simple life with very little things put on my skin and exposed to many pollutants, I am thinking it’s from diet… and I am am thinking it’s really from
1) Not stoking my agni before and after eating
2) Eating again/ snacking again, before my first food has had the opportunity to digest
3) Choosing to heavy, damp foods (such as copious amounts of fruit or chocolate almond milk) and
4) Eating to late in the evening.

NOW, fruit is good yes! But it’s sweet, heavy, damp… so if you were to make a little fire and then put an entire mango on it, or 5 pieces of watermelon …. what would happen?

Chocolate is sweet and bitter- so isn’t the worst for fire, but added with a glass of almond milk which is moist, heavy and sweet then it’s more difficult- I have been adding cinnamon and clove to the mixture— so it should all be good, however, I think it’s the amount… and when I am drinking it. I have been drinking it as a dessert- so I eat it after I eat my healthy portion of grains and proteins- but then my body will want to digest the sugars first as soon as they come and it will be disturbing the process that already happened…. like when you make a fire… and it’s going good- but then you put a big log on it and it smothers it and you just leave it- when you come back, maybe there will be heat still but it never kept burning.

So well- I am going to spice everything the next week and no more eating after sunset, even if I “feel hungry” I am going to make sure I have had proper intake of nutrients before (which I always have) and stop indulging in my egos/addicted to sweet desire for more sweet stuff before bed.

THERE are so many people who are so rigid, strict, good at keeping a diet. Great and daily or weekly or monthly cleanses, and I just have never been part of that tribe.
But I really want to try and I want to be proud of my digestion and my eating habits.

1) Mindful cooking and eating. Grateful, sitting down to eat and taking time to chew. Taking time to rest after.
2) Not eating in between meals.
3) Choosing doshic appropriate foods. (STILL many options)
4) Using Pachanas
5) Not over drinking at one moment and not over drinking  during meals.
6) Avoiding ice drinks and foods completely
7) Taking liquids and food warm.

I GOT THIS- I don’t want to feel bad for myself every morning which I brush my teeth when I KNOW that I the ONLY person who can make the decisions for me to begin feeling grateful, happy and proud in the morning.

2) Killing Insects: So there are many insects that may want to live in my house and kitchen which is okay- but not ideal. So I get scared when I see to many of those big ants because I think- oh they are maybe making a place here and then I will have hundreds, or you see those beetles and you think- where did you come from, are you baby cockroaches- will you get into my food and everything? And when I saw spiders- I thought, okay I will leave you because you catch other bugs- but please don’t come to my bed especially when I am sleeping and crawl on me or go into my throat (I read an article years ago that we eat a fair amount of spiders in our life.)

Well this morning, I caught a beetle and put him outside … then I saw Spider… but spider was in my kitchen corner where I prepare things with….2 other spiders…. not big spiders, but … yesterday there was 1… today 3…. hmm…..
I think “it’s time for you to move- but I already told you I wouldn’t kill you, and I won’t so trust me.” So I caught one and put it in cup and it looked all good, climbing, no twisted legs… then I put the second one… all good still… and then the third and I was able to put them outside in the cup and let them go and start over with what they need to do today and I felt NO GUILT…. I am happy I made the decision to gently move them out… it felt energetically better, because every time I kill an ant or insect in my house- I have a pang of guilt… or remorse… or sadness or something…. so instead of feeling this way, I should just take the extra time to move them away without killing them and start and finish my days better, without killing out of fear of invasion.

This wasn’t as short as I had intended- but I think I use this as a platform to organize my motivation for myself…  Yay Becky! You go girl! You got this! You can live your Ayurvedic Lifestlye to it’s fullest !! Becky you don’t need to do anything- but if you can get really happy, content, balanced and disease free- using ONLY Ayurveda as your medicine and way of life- then you can help others!!!

Okay.

Okay.

Update: 3 Days Later- I didn’t quite get it. Actually, I made some heavy and agni crushing choices… it’s like sometimes when I say I am going to do something, the part of me that loves things…gets scared and really has a strong desire for the opposite! Well… day 3, I woke up with more inspiration to make positive choices today- and I believe this week is going to be really good. I am looking forward to just treating my body with respect and being simple. I realize that sugar is a very strong effect on my mind and body- so crazy! It’s really, really powerful! But I need to fill up my soul with love and happiness using my other tools in my basket as well.