I under a cover of water, making love to myself- feeling safe that no one could see me.
Then my mother came and spray disinfectant on me… time to get up…
and then I woke up.
It was 4:30am and I was wide awake- I still had an hour to sleep but- obviously, my dreams are not allowing me to rest more- I will sit and meditate then.
But my mind was to active. I got up to make myself my tea and then give myself a massage. My nose was running and my eyes red from being around fly ash for 12.5 hours the day before. I went through my daily routine. I performed jala netti, nasya, I washed my eyes with triphala tea that I prepared the night before, I drank the rest, I made myself a cup of hot lemon, honey tea and I gave myself a sesamee oil massage. I massaged my bruised and cut up body… and then I put on my formal clothes. Today instead of going back to work, I had something else on the agenda.
I hit the road at 6:40 and I drive 45 minutes into the rising sun.

The bright, golden, rising sun… it was so clear out today. The first day of autumn. It was low in the sky for around 30-40 minutes- so low that I could barely see as I was driving directly into it. I couldn`t see… but I was not scared.
I was with God. I was driving into the sun of God. Surrounded by the light. I have faith in God. I saw the spirits… they stared at me- with their horns… in their beautiful, majestic form… I saw them jump over the fences. I knew they could be around any bend. I knew they could end my journey, perhaps my life, at any moment- but I had faith that my God wouldn’t allow this to happen today. I had a mission. I just pictured hugging her, and I knew that it was going to happen. I got lost. I went past my turn off. But I didn`t know that I was lost until the angel swooped down from the heavens and glided infront of my window… beautiful and white, an spirit in the form of giant owl. I knew that it was a sign. I first thought it meant everything was okay. But then my tuition told me to pull over and checked google maps and yes- I had just past the exit to where i needed to go… 1.6km back was where I needed to go… to the exit that would take me past lake alma (alma=soul) and back to the town where I had experienced so much, and had so many many memories, of my younger self. I thanked God for sending his sign and for sharing his beautiful, healing, golden light with me all morning.
Once in town, I reconnected with some of my best friends. And I wept. And I prayed. And I laughed. And I looked into their eyes and I know what they lost will change them forever. But I wish I could share how I felt- that everything is going to be okay. She is now with all the water in the world. She surrendered to God and re-entered into pure love consciousness – where there is no fighting, struggling, competing, trying, working, worrying, pain, feeling… there is just…just… well there are no words in this realm to explain that. But she accomplished many things in life, and today was a beautiful tribute to her life. Everyone who came to honor her, were touched by her light and were there to show their support and prayers in their faith and presence.

And I was in the Church- that I had been in so many times. Many memories entered… but I never felt connected to the service. The music was to high for me to sing to and the words reminded me of the olden days. I likes when we shook hands and said peace be with you, and I liked when he lit the incence and had the prayers go to heaven, and I liked it when we prayed together and when we talked about her. And I realized how much I have changed. I like it when I connected my thoughts, to my lips to my heart- (father, son and spirit) or in Yoga- Your thoughts, your words and your heart… and I like it when we connected the 4 directions (Father, Son, Holy Spirit), North- South, East, West… and there were a few other things that I do on a daily basis now- that I use to do on a daily basis then- but in another form… same result… connecting with God.
I once connected with source energy (God) through the means of Catholic prayer.
I had been religious in my own way back in the day. An Alter girl, and a youth member of the Archdiocese Youth Council… even traveling to Toronto for World Youth day once. The night before, I had smoked some weed in the park and was hallucinating and ended up under my dads boat, having a conversation with God- but then worried God wouldn´t listen to me as I was intoxicated. Feeling guilty and worried about being a sinner.
And now I am very careful not to feel guilty, as I feel although it`s a low vibrational energy and I just make positive choices – that bring positive results and try to live my life like this- through the law of attraction.  Now instead of going to Church-  the entire world is my church. I am in constant meditation, love and rejoice of God (nature and the Sun) every day and so grateful. I really like to wake up early in the morning for sunrise and to be present and outside for sunset. Often I like to pray to the four directions and express my gratitude, and perform my moving meditation – sun salutations- where I connect with my mind, body and spirit. Where I treat my body as the temple. And then I sit quietly trying to connect with God (consciousness) through meditation, through entering my heart space (chamber of God/seat of consciousness).

I grew up believing in God and feeling God was there in my life. I wrote messages to him and my past ones in the sand and sent those messages to God then. And when I went to India in 2013, I learned many things in Punja- (ceremonies) that reminded me of things from my youth… and then I went to ceremonies with other tribes from other saintly, shamanic people throughout the past years and experienced other rituals… and everything always felt right.

Prayer is Prayer.
Belief is Belief.
Light is Light.
Love is Love.

It matters what you believe in… to you and your manifested world. We humans are supose to reconnect with source energy, realize that there is something bigger than ourself, pray to something, ask for help, try to be good, to be better, to sit in contemplation and meditation, to connect our thoughts, to ours lips, to our hearts, to sing the vibration of Amen… or Aum… or… Ajo… or whatever feels the best for you.
Some people like history. Some people like rigidness. Some people like structure.
Some people like fire ceremonies. Some people like incense. Some people like giving flowers to statues. Some people like giving flowers to alters. Some people like giving flowers to themselves. Some people like dancing to feel free and to connect with source energy- to have natural chemical reactions happen in their bodies to feel positive and happy- and some are afraid that is wrong and is the act of the devil… it doesn`t matter what anyone believes. As long as their faith- helps them, supports them, allows them to grow as people, allows them to love mother nature in all of her forms… all of nature…with love and respect for all.

That`s what I have came to in my manifestation.

I don´t believe that I am wiser than the next… but I do… I do feel although, in my 33 years that I have experienced a lot. First hand experience. Not from books. AND- I believe in oneness and I believe in love. I feel although, without knowing everything from all the religions, I have met MANY people from many different faiths- and I believe that whatever works for each person, is perfect. I dont believe that my beliefs are better than there... yet...  as its human nature, I know my truth- so it seems its the truth or COULD be the truth for everyone... that EVERYONE COULD believe in their beliefs... yet have the understanding that, there is no right or wrong. Everything is perfect. And the most important thing is to be in alignment with what feels good. If things flow... if you are being guided and you are answering the call... then your on the right way.

Today as I sat in the church, I just was open to the vibrations happening around me. They were very strong at times. But I felt I was in a good place. I was sitting next to loved ones and in a beautiful place. A place with beautiful, glass windows… with images of the Sun on it and the 10 commandments.  The sun was coming through the windows- much like they were in the morning and much like it was on my journey home again.
I appreciated me few hours back in the church and was so grateful for my few hours driving back to Coronach to be able to sit with God more and see the reflection of myself through the his eyes. The reflection of the cows in the water. The reflection of the deers. The autumn trees. The living Sky. And to see her face and feel her presence next to the water, beaming in the light of Christ (Son.Sun).

BTW. We finally know who Hosanna is.